Oddities

You know, 2 weeks ago, that strange apparition (what does that word mean?) said I would die last week. She was wrong. STOP STEALING MY PEN!!! Oops, said the wrong thing. I survived!!! ROFLMFAO!! PEANUTBUTTERJELLYTIME!!! I don't have to part with my peanut butter sandwiches! YAY!!! But when I tried to take the bread, MY HAND JUST PASSED THROUGH!!! OH NOES! NO PEANUT BUTTER JELLY (nor JALAPENO) SANDWICHES!!! Then I tried to switch the computer on, but MY HAND JUST PASSED THROUGH AGAIN!!! I then realised that I have magical powers that I can pass through EVERYTHING!!! I then tried to pass through myself! My insides look gross. EEW! I tried to take a knife and destroy the gross insides, BUT MY HAND JUST PASSED THROUGH!!! LOL!!! Oops, wrong thing said again. OH NOES!!! I tried to focus my energy, and my hand solidified for a while,BUT MY HAND WAS STILL IN THE KNIFE! OH NOES! BUT NO BLOOD WAS COMING OUT, I COULDN'T FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL! AND THEN THE WORLD VANISHED INTO THIN AIR! I was transported to this place the weird people playing harps call heaven. OF COURSE THIS CAN'T BE HEAVEN!!! I'M NOT DEAD YET!! Then they said that'll be true in a moment, and I got zapped down yesterday, EVEN THOUGH I WAS IN THE PLACE THEY CALL "HEAVEN" FOR ONLY A SECOND!!! NOW I CAN TOUCH THINGS AGAIN! but I lost my special move-through powers! NOOOOOO! Hey, stop taking my file!
*chase after thief of file*

I'M GONNA DIE! (part 1) (which is first, 1 or 2???)

Today, something strange happened to me. When I was watching Sesame Street, it turned to a lot of crap, AND OMFG NEOPETS!!!!!!!! AND MY NEOPET WAS ON IT!!!!!!! But suddenly, the TV started to leak. Then I started to cry like the TV for Mummy. Then when I looked outside, some giant thing was out there and it was like, COOL CREEPY ROBOT ALIENS! w00t!!! Then the phone rang, with some young girl was speaking wierdly. She murmured something, which I thought was "who's gay?". Oh and she said I was using the word Then too much here. How'd she know? Anyway, it turned out to be SEVEN DAYS!!! I didn't quite understand what she said, why didn't she say ONE WEEK? So I thought, cool! Only a week to a brand new COOL CREEPY ALIEN ROBOT!!!! w000000t!!!!

I'M GONNA DIE (part 2) (wait, what's 2?)

Wait. It turned out to be SEVEN DAYS TILL I DIE! w00t! Cooooooooool... But the wierd girl said I had no idea why. Gimme a moment to think. Wait, I can't think. Oh well. She was right! She then told me that I was the only one watching the Neopets ad. NEOPETS ROCKS!! But why 7 days? And not 1 week? The girl said, Doofus, 7 days IS one week. And I said you mean next Thursday. She said, No, you mean 7 business days. And you know what are business days? Ummmmm... no. I don't even know 7 days from now. She said next WEDNESDAY. OMFG!! Then I thought of a way to delay it, wait, I don't think!! There is a holiday coming up, does it count? She said well, that depends, what holiday is it? I said some saint's birthday? She said which saint? But I didn't know? So, she said no. And I was like why everyone's taking the day off. But she said, JESUS CHRIST DOOFUS!! I'M GIVING YOU 7 FRIGGIN' DAYS SO BETTER TAKE IT OR I'LL COME OVER RIGHT NOW AND STLHOOYFT (SHUT THE LIVING HELL OUT OF YOUR F****** TRAP). Then she hung up. And I was like oh shit! w00t anyway!!!